Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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