I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
