I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
