What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
