Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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