The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
