GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
