legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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