clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
