I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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