Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
