I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
