Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
