The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
