Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
