i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
