Welp...herpes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
