So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
