I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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