I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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