no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
