you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
