I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
