So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
