I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
