He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
