Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
