so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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