im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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