That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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