I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
