6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
