if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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