first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
