I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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