genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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