Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
