I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
