Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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