hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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