sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
