you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
