you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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