Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
