Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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