yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
