the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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