Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
