weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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