as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
