It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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