I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
